A Spiritual Alignment... (Chiropractor not included)

  • By Sara Smile
  • 22 Dec, 2016
I have found that we all go through times where, regardless of our religion, spirtuality or lack of assignment to any one specific belief - This time of year - particularly the next two weeks (the last two weeks of the year) people take stock. Whether we admit it to one another, or even ourselves, that doesn’t mean it isn’t there or shouldn’t be examined.
For instance, there have been years at the end of which I have wanted to avoid thinking of what I have accomplished or lack thereof - my goals etc. I just pretended they didn’t exist. Simply blocked it all out. In my case it was due to a fear of recognizing or acknowledging OUT LOUD what I might need to alter, even a little, within myself, to help me feel better. To be a better me.   Not that I wanted to stay stunted - but facing what we fear can be frightening. Change is jarring. The list goes on...
My Birthday is coming up on the 31st of December and 2 years after this next birthday I shall know and unlock the answers to “..life the universe and everything”. Anyone who gets that reference written by a certain author, now knows how old I will be turning. I still stumble over saying my new age and it would appear writing it as well :) .
This year I have decided I needed to be more aware. In my current new mom status, and with my health deteriorating, again, after I thought I had it under control I have found myself in need of what I have dubbed a ‘Spiritual Alignment’ so to speak.
To clarify, my health is always a bit chaotic. But I have worked hard to make it an organized chaos. I understood my health chaos map. It was clear to me. Now it is muddled again, and has new additions (diseases) in the mix.
Herein lies the rub. I feel that I have failed. I have failed my daughter, my husband and myself. I even feel as though I have failed “hope” itself as an ideal.
I have been terribly weepy at a time when “I should” feel joy. I have been sad and pouting about my health when “I should be grateful it isn’t worse”. I have wanted time to myself to deal with my new health diagnosis when “I should be interacting with my baby”. To spend that extra time, I take her to my doctor appointments, my husband too, and I feel terrible that my little one is seeing mommy in that capacity. I feel bad that my husband has to help in so many little and big ways and I feel like a failure due to health my restrictions when “I should be giving him thanks and making time for him and focusing on what I can do”. Instead, I’ve found myself whining about my pain. A valid and true pain - but a whine nonetheless.
When we keep the “I should’s” of our life in the front of our minds - It puts a spotlight on things in which we have either ‘created unrealistically attainable goals’ or “what society deems correct”.
However we are all unique individuals. Therefore a broad sweep of “shoulds” doesn’t always apply to our different and uniquely individual lives and yet, the pressure permiates.
This year, It is my goal, realistic goal - which in my definition means -taking action however long it takes. Not rushing, but a steady motion, even if it’s slow, as long as it’s forward motion and inward reflection - though not too much inward reflection at a time - because for me, that is where I get caught up starting to compare with the “unattainable” and begin to self-sabotage.
For me the first step in doing this is facing it. After that comes accountability. I cannot really think of a bigger step toward accountablilty than being transparent and vulnerable on a public medium. Guess I have checked that box with this post. And I will continue to check back and be accountable to the people who are interested in keeping me accountable. People who perhaps have the same desire to “realign themselves to be their best” in their own way, and follow along on my journey as it is a journey we take together, even if the specifics are different.
The biggest thing that I have found to truly help me - is a recent renewed aid. I have been doing it more and more lately. Actually it started more since I found out I was pregnant and increased exponentially since Mila was born without me even realizing it. Only recently has it become of conscience thought. I have not made an out loud statement about it, because I have still been figuring it out ... Prayer. Now, some of you who know me well might be thinking, “Really? She’s always been a Universe/Vibe kinda gal” . Well, I must say as we change the hope is growth. Am I becoming a different person due to prayer? If so, it is a better person. Yet, I am still me. Still telling sardonic stories and coloring outside the lines. But why is there such a belief that the two things are mutually exclusive.
I am still a “Universe/Vibe kinda gal”. The same girl who was raised Jewish in a Jewish community. The same girl who was exposed to and raised around Catholic Churches and Communities.
For a while I was almost embarrassed to show that side of me. I minored in Religious Studies at my college. Learning as much about as many religions as I could.
You know what I found? Once you wade through the differences and extract the flowery language - the majority of religions speak of peace. Of private prayer. Being kind to oneself and each other and forgiveness for others and perhaps even more relevant, ourselves.
I first found my faith at the top of a mountain I climbed up (and eventually repelled down). Sitting at the edge of the mountain top, I marveled at the tree tops, the sky. I must have fallen into a meditative state because what I thought was a 10 min marveling at all of nature, was actually 2 hours. I found this out after one of the girls I was camping with quietly tapped my shoulder to tell me it was dinner time at the campsite.
I believe that while most of this post might come across as ‘dour’, it is actually a post wherein I am taking that first positive step toward forgiving myself.
To understand that hope has not given up on me, so I will not give up on Hope.
This is the end of the post, but the beginning of a journey. One that I hope and have good vibes that people will read this and watch my journey as I become a better mom. A woman who is kinder to herself. And a person who remembers more consistently that hope, prayer, vibes whatever you want to call it - are good things. Things to be proud of - and a place where I can find a peaceful alignment with myself and the world around me.
Let the restoration begin... And let that beginning have it’s start within me.

Sassy Sara Smile

By Sara Chernauskas 26 Nov, 2017

Sara Smile is a Writer, Mother, Cancer Survivor, and Chronic Illness Warrior. Through both her Website Sassy Sara Smile, and Public Speaking, Sara writes and tells stories about finding Beauty through the Chaos and not just by wading through life’s quagmires. Instead, Sara does her best to not only dance through the mire but thrive.

Karkata Media

Telling stories. For Art. For Craft. ForCommunity. www.karkatamedia.com

By Sara Smile 20 Jun, 2017
You know that song, “Eye of the Tiger”? The song suggests a person who is working hard to achieve a goal and they are doing it the right way...through hard work. I have always liked the idea of being strong and fighting honestly for what you want to do...  Goals we all have...Things we all want.  I see that same type of intensity, hard work and honest kindness in Tiger Gems Jewelry and the owner of this wonderful company, Tabitha.
 My husband knows I feel that way and surprised me on Mother’s Day, 2017 *(My 1st Mother's Day Ever!) with a 1.25 ctw Art Deco Halo Set  from Tiger Gems seen here:
By Sara Smile 05 Apr, 2017
Self love. A term I heard  used as frequently when I was a young girl growing up.
 It is still if not more significant now, as an adult and a mom.  I have been feeling pretty low recently. My pretty low is way down there... I don’t like when I have to deal with my mental and physical issues, even more so since I have had Mila.
It’s an interesting maze to wind through in life when you have an anxiety issue or PTSD, or Bi Polar et al.
It gets ultra strange when you have a baby and you realize they are feeling the impact of these issues and starting to comprehend (in their own way) that Mommy is ‘not feeling well’. It’s still like winding through a maze - only this time you’re blindfolded and can’t fall because you are also holding a precious piece of your love. So, a bit weird.
For me I have found I don’t like my daughter to see that side of me. Not yet. I don’t know how to explain it and how it is also intertwined with my physical side as the two are always connected and in cahoots.
In spite of all this, I am forcing myself to write even though I don’t want to write. I WANT to put my head under the covers and binge watch Netflix while pretending the world around me doesn’t exist so that maybe, JUST maybe, my brain and body might recover.
Truth? Yes, I’ve done that & I still do from time to time. After I had Mila I had hormone nuttiness. I think it probably could be called/diagnosed as ‘Post Partum’, but when you have a little mental shit happening in your head before you are pregnant, it’s a tough call.   Every single Mom I have ever talked to has at the very least said they have had the hormone nuttiness. Some people it hit right away...Some people it hit 6, 10 months into the new Mom job. Each of these Mothers that I spoke to talked about how this “additional nuttiness” can last. Sometimes it even just becomes a part of you and it slowly begins to weave itself into the layers of one’s braided emotions creating an extra new feeling.
Around the time Mila turned 6 months this amazing personality and mirror of Mommy started. It was and continues to be amazing! So much so that it can become an addiction, your whole life. A high off of your child. I was loving it. I still love it. Till one day my health stuff came trampling in whilst I was hanging with my sweet Gal and a huge Realistic Truth hit me. I can’t JUST go and hibernate under the covers with Netflix, or even write at that moment because my child needed/wanted me.
Now there have been times I have put her down in her crib after hours of crying, just to give me a 15 min breather, but this wasn’t that. We were just hanging. Just me and my daughter. I am the one who had this emotion whack me like a truck. Part of this realistic truth that hit was that what I was feeling had to be put aside. I am the Mom and a chronically ill one to boot. I have to forge forward for my daughter. The other part of this realistic truth was I also have to recognize that just because I have Mila, just because I am a Mom, does not mean I am not still me. The great fun stuff, my own dreams (as I have many) and these hard to handle emotional, mental things are still factors.
So here I am pushing myself to write in the hopes that this will help me to embrace what I am feeling. I learned a long time ago - you steer into the turn if you skid - you don’t hit the brakes and change directions... You’ll get yourself and everyone else injured.
Now, apply that to having a disease and that is where I am - you have found my reality.
Here’s the thing. The writing kinda works for me. As I type right now I start to feel a bit lighter, a bit better. If only for a time. Writing does that for me. As does Yoga and Pilates, which alas I am not currently allowed to do right now (doctor’s orders).
This started as a quick post intended to talk about ‘self love’. It still is about self love. Everything I have been speaking about reminds me how little I have been doing to properly love myself and that certain medications and limitations are getting to me.
As I am drawing a close to this post I am reprioritizing a few things.
This did make me feel a bit better. I know I am going to post it regardless of its raw not 3rd draft quality. I needed this to happen. Which leads me to start thinking - If I am feeling down, or having a hard day that turns into 3 hard days, just within myself - I need to rethink priorities and what I force myself to turn into a new habit. I must remember that just like before Mila, I let these emotions of my mind wash over me, instead of getting caught in the undertow. It took a long time to learn and understand that, but I finally did. Struggling leads to sadness and nothing getting done. Even though I am a Mom now, I still need to write, and I still need to handle those emotions that wash over me when this happens. I just need to adapt and find a way to incorporate everything. When you use the word 'EVERYTHING' it reads as a huge task. Even “Everything” takes time. I can be a Mom and Sara at the same time. It’s the Sara part of me I am still working on, but if I continue to handle what I do in the way I am trying to,
things will be ok. Loving and Liking oneself is the key to being your best for you and everyone around you. It’s not changing who “you” used to be- simply a new amplified person.
I don’t know if this post will touch on something y'all relate to...I just had to get it out.
Never forget to make time for yourself and steer into the skid!
Much Love,
Sara Smile
Never forget to make time for oneself and steer into the skid!
much love.
By Sara Smile 20 Feb, 2017
At this point in the year we are starting to change seasons. It’s that point in Winter where even Winter’s biggest fan (me!) starts to think of Spring and bright, light colors. Trees begin to bloom and I daydream about taking my hubby and our sweet little Mila-Raven on her first outdoor picnic! My Mila is adventurous like her Mommy and has already gravitated towards the outdoors, and the woods.
A perfect segue to the review of my Jord Wood Watch  and to talk about the Jord Giveaway .
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